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nomsfaultau · 18 days ago

Note

pretty please make the philzas have a malewife competition à la the amazing world of gumball best mom competition /j

- ehe

ooooops got buried. For a quick synopsis for the fics I’m referencing- those are here

Malewife Philza Tournament Round 1–Cleaning

Poll below!

The Lambs Wolves Wear: Philza is cleaning like his life depends on it! (Because he thinks he’ll die if he loses the tournament). Doesn’t have much in the way of disinfectants between well water that “Tommy” dumped the bodies in and hand made soap (lavender scented!) but he has enough stress to make up for it!

Fault: This Philza has set the house on fire. With enough concentration, only the unwanted stuff will burn! It’s quick, it’s cheap, it’s incredibly thorough, and kills 100% of germs! Say good bye to dust and roaches, it’s incineration time! Just…don’t distract him while he’s cleaning. And…….maybe warn the fire department beforehand……..still, Fault Philza is determined to prove he’s the ideal Collector- uh, Malewife? Is that what kids are calling it this century?

Mandatory Family Reunion: are you…joking? This man hasn’t cleaned a day in his life, least of all a crime scene. He pays people to do that. The closest he gets is money laundering. It WILL be so spotless there aren’t fingerprints left, but Philza will be hiring people to do that for him. This is probably due to him misinterpreting when MFR Techno says he needs to clean up his act. Maybe if he wins this poll his prodigal son will come back..?

Worth far more than your weight in gold: He is. A bird. [Philza] is a literal bird. Okay a bird dragon griffon thingy but. A bird. He doesn’t understand what cleaning is. Did you mispronounce preening? He is very good at that!! [Philza] will put your head feathers all neat and in place. (…there are feathers absolutely coating the nest and random piles of gold. Very untidy bird.) But perhaps if he participates in this tournament he’ll understand how to take care of human-chicks better.

Golden Apples (Gilded Atrophy): He literally dipped for like ten years. You ask him to clean and he’ll laugh and then pop out to get cigarettes golden apples from the 7-11 cause it’s been a minute since his last one and he’s getting twitchy. and you won’t see him for six months. Literally last time he tried to clean up his son’s mess, Philza murdered him. And he sheds everywhere. Golden Apples Philza is praying his kids will let him back into their lives if he wins the malewife tournament.

Where do babies come from?: He’s not the most reliable cleaner, so he bought this cool roomba to take care of it for him! Tommy is the one who tapped the knife onto Stabby…or he suspects it’s Tommy. This Philza probably doesn’t dust as often as he should, buut he has things like a dishwasher and wet wipes, so he’s basically leagues above like half the other Phils. Babies Philza is trying to convince himself that impulsively adopting the three kids he found in his fridge is a good idea if he can prove he’s a good malewife, thus not needing a partner.

Lord, what fools these mortals be!: With a snap of his talons Philza can magic away all the mess! However, he is asking for your Name in return for this little favor. …no? What about an impossible feat, are you willing to do that? Uhh what about some riddles three, can you do some riddles three? Well. This is awkward. Lord! Philza is doing this because Lady Death insists on seeing him for the maid outfit round. And this man is stupid down for his wife, so, in a foolish mortal tournament he goes!

Lighting Lanterns to Bring You Home: What? No. Why would he? Clean it yourself, mate. You’re old enough to not need help with most of it. Lanterns Philza is rather done doing pointless crap for the gods after decades of preforming impossible feats for the sake of defying fate to get a family. He’s only here because he thought he was signing up for temple duties for Technoblade.

Which ever Philza wins the most tournaments will be crowned malewife supreme

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rakubalka · 6 months ago

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Midora got reincarnated as Skull De Mort

(Seeing as there isn't enough of toriko or midora(s everything ) I'm making an au)

After the events of the manga Midora got reincarnated into the khr world

Midora being an orphan in this life too , as a early teen or preteen(and I cannot express this enough he is very young ) decided to join a circus mainly because it looked interesting enough at the moment and he was in a fancy mood

Then he gets an invite from Chekerface and decides " why not ?" Resulting in him meeting the rest of the Arcobaleno (and him being unimpressed with them) . After the first meeting he started ditching the rest of the meet ups resulting in a growingly bizarre , unique and downright cartoony game of cat and mouse . Consisting of the Arcobaleno trying to catch Midora at last , only to always miss by the skin of their teeth . Even more comical by the fact that Midora will for years to come not know what flames are

That continued until it was time for the ritual at which point Chekerface just teleported him at the time he was needed , binding them all together . With all of it being the same as in canon except Midora rather than as baby/toddler got stuck as a teen(aka as the age he got the curse which is at maximum like 15 but everyone thinks he is 19 at youngest)

The rest of the Arcobaleno were outraged as to why he got to keep his adult form while they are babies even Lal didn't get spared while being the"defective" so why does he get to keep his body ? Verde then put out the theory that he might just have such a monstrous flame amount and/or purity that he is essentially overfeeding the pacifier , after all it will explain why he got chosen as the Cloud of the Arcobaleno despite being a civilian

While they are exchanging theories Midora is escaping the manor because he doesn't give a tomato what is happening , death retired him from world/planet saving bullshit the rest can deal whit it . He has fought God , he's had enough of being alive . Is he overfeeding this thing ? He doesn't know , maybe yes ? Does he give a tomato ? No .

And so he continues following his fancy and going whenever he likes and doing whatever he likes . Creating and destroying(most of the time by accidents) cults , famiglia , families , business, restaurants and etc . One of the more passionate cults even started famiglia or was it the famiglia starting a cult ? Either case they are at the moment both and are calling him their boss . What was their name again ? Car something . In either case they are surprisingly good at finding him . They even found him a pet octopus so that is nice .

Anyway one day while he was on a walk on this cozy little island called Japan he stumbled upon a kid getting bullied and while he might be apathetic towards humanity as a whole he isn't going to let a kid be bullied before him . So he stepped in . After scaring the bullies away the kid(who felt so much like his little Starjun when he was young) introduced himself as Tsuna , tried to give him one of his onigiri as thanks for the help . Midora of course tried to refuse gently as to not hurt the little child who reminds him of his son so much , the kid however like a little amber haired version of Komatsu , succeeded in making him eat (chefs and their charisma) .

And the onigiri was undeniably delicious so Midora asked who has made it , with Tsuna answering his Mama who is the best cook .

While Midora would like to form a combo with her he isn't going to force her into it even if this onigiri was more than he has eaten in quite a while so he will probably continue on his way walking with no end goal . But first before that he is going to escort this kid who reminds him of his own child so much to his home safely .

When he got him home his mother tried and succeeded in getting him to stay for dinner(again chefs and their charisma) . While eating he did learn a lot more of this family of two and he might have grown a little attached .

With him being attached he did stay in town a lot , he is still going on long walks but he always returns to this place that is slowly starting to become a home for him . With little Tsuna who reminds him of his Starjun , of the little chef with big heart Komatsu and sometimes of himself when times were sipmle before he lost the one most precious to him . The one who Nana reminds him of , the one who is always so gentle and patient yet protective in a way only a mother can be like Fronze like his mother . With these memories being here his stay in the little town became long and often . He also became such a frequent visitor of the Sawada household he practically lived with them , with a room for him , a toothbrush for him , plates and mugs for him and more . Odako even got an aquarium in his room .And if he gets to babysit Tsuna while Nana takes time for herself and her hobbies . Well he wants to replay her somehow even if it's not much as Tsuna is such a good child that he is a blessing to babysit , always so curious as to what is everything in the world and asking questions and if Midora doesn't know the answer they both try to find it which is one of Midora's favorite activities with Tsuna .

One day after Nana had won 3 place in a competition she took part in , Midora took her and Tsuna on a celebration in a sushi place he and Tsuna found on one of their walks around the neighborhood a while back . Nana did try to say she would be playing but Midora stopped her by saying that the one for who is the reason for celebrating shouldn't play and that it is his gift for her for getting 3 place . The chef was rather good as well , not as much as Nana , Komatsu , Starjun or Fronze but still good . Not to mention that he and Nana seem to be hitting it pretty good and his kid does get along with Tsuna better than most others , so he excused himself and Tsuna saying he will be watching the kids while those two have that going on . They were red faced after the comment for some reason .

After the dinner and when both Nana and Tsuna were asleep the sushi chef came and asked some really strange questions . It was an interesting night but it did result in Tsuna and Takeshi becoming friends playing almost daily with the exception being if one of them is sick . Nana and Tsuyoshi seem to be getting closer (she even searched how one can get divorced with a consistently missing spouse) , so good for them .

Tsuna and Takeshi also got themselves another friend a little boy whit tonfas who seems to very much like order (the three of them are adorable together , he has half an album already)

Tsuna sat himself on fire accidentally (and with orange one at that) making Midora , Takeshi , Kyoya and Tsuna panic , thankfulaly Tsuyoshi came almost immediately . After Tsuyoshi got them calmer he seated them along with Nana to explain The Seven Colored Flames to them . All of them were surprised other than Kyoya who apparently had his suspicions with his family or at least a "fake baby carnivore" relative of his

After the fiasco Tsuyoshi did ask Nana if she wanted to cut contact with him after he thought Tsuna how to control his flames . Nana refused to cut contact with Tsunayoshi saying that she is already surrounded with flame users other than him such as her son , Midora , Kyoya and even her ex-husband . Her ex-husband who is responsible for why so many years seem to just merge together , why she felt as if she wasn't even awake most of the time , why she felt like a puppet . And she has memories of shortly before what Lemitsu did , she remembers a person asking if Lemitsu is sure he wants her in his state and Lemitsu answered yes without hesitation . And even if spotty she remembers the last time Lemitsu was here with that man before Tsuna started to feel like herself not in control in his own body , before that man put COLDNESS in her child causing Tsuna to constantly feel cold even under dozens of tick blankets . She members it all , and she also remembers how Tsuyoshi immediately started running towards their sons and Kyoya and Midora as soon as he felt flames . How his immediate reaction was to first calm them down and after that immediately get her whit them to explain what is happening and offering to help her . Because while he and Lemitsu both might have been in the mafia they are two very different men .

Shortly after Nana's love confession, she and Tsuyoshi got married . They didn't have a ceremony but did make a little after marriage party consisting of themselves , Midora , Tsuna , Takeshi and little Kyoya . And that was what they wanted . Both she and Tsuna did change their last names to Yamamoto as she was raised in an orphanage so her last name wasn't from her family , and she also wants Tsuna not to look at Lemitsu and think they are the same just because they are both Sawada . Not to mention that his new brother is also a Yamamoto .

And so time passed with the married couple and the three kids (and they don't care what anyone says Kyoya is also one of theirs and his friend Kusakabe is also welcome) . Midora continues to have his long walks around the world but makes sure that his phone(which he got by Tsuyoshi's recommendation in the mafia) always has enough battery life to go for days of talking with his family no matter what . He is without knowing it the kids favorite adult however be it teaching them cooking, Takeshi that knife technique or even teaching them knocking . Almost every time they need an adult advice they go to him first

And tings were peaceful in Nanamori

Until the Sun Arcobaleno showed his face to try and make Tsuna a mafia hair and the dam broke unleashing level of weirdness only before seen in Midora

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